3 Biggest Secrets to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend Back
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02.23.2010 :: Categories: [ Solution to No Contact or Communication Problems ] // Posted by Ellie
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In Hollywood a romance never works smoothly. Two people who are right for each other never just meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. There's bound to be some way-ups and pretty low downs.
To make a good movie there need to be complications. Sometimes those complications include a break-up. Life is like that too. Sometimes a relationship doesn't go right on the first attempt. It may not have been the right time. Careers may take you apart. Someone else may be involved. That's all right; taking your circumstances into stride, there's always a way for you to re-establish a relationship with your ex, and the following are three major secrets that will help you quickly win back your ex.
First Secret - Keep the Lines of Communication Open
If you cut each other off you need to re-open the communication lines as soon as possible. After a relationship ends there is often a period where interaction between you is chilly or non-existent. You need to get over that as quickly as possible and get back to the point where you can be completely comfortable in each other's company. The easiest way to do this is normally through mutual friends, and friends are always keen to help out in these situations. Once you get back to the point where you can communicate easily, the whole process becomes much easier.
The best thing you can do initially to get the talk flowing again is NOT talk about the past, your breakup, or anything serious which might put pressure on the situation. There will be a time when those things can be discussed, but first get comfortable with each other again.
Ladies, keep the conversations light-hearted, more on the brief side, and smile! Men, concentrate much more on her and what she's been doing, be easy-going, and look happy and relaxed. Keep time together rather short, and laugh and have fun for real. You may be hurt, lonely, or in turmoil and find "being happy" impossible to pull off, but the mere sight of you looking content, happy, and really having fun will make your ex WANT to be desired by you, a person who seems to lack nothing and is glad, even without him or her in your life - it's a strong psychology.
Many relationship advisers quote: "A hungry dog never gets fed" - meaning if you go out looking downtrodden, depressed, sullen, or bitter, it's going to drive your ex away FAST. You'll give off signals that say it's not safe to approach you yet - that you're still hung up from the break up and probably be irrational/accusing, or react desperately if your ex tried to talk with you. You've likely known someone who was this way before; this is definitely a big turn-off and your ex may not feel respected for his/her decision upholding a break up (if he/she was the dumper.)
Try NOT to talk about "heavy stuff" for a long while, such as:
-- The underlying cause(s) of the break up (although they are important and need to be remedied later before getting back together || FREE Report - What REALLY Caused Your Break Up: It's Not What You Think)
-- Asking for/giving detailed information on who you happen to be dating right now (touch on this lightly if he/she asks you first)
-- Anything that is intended to make him or her jealous!
-- Too much info about yourself (your ex will lose interest pretty fast)
When your ex naturally and seriously brings up these subjects (a very promising sign, and nearly inevitable after following these steps!) - then go ahead and discuss them, but only to the extent that your ex seems comfortable with.
If you've been seeing others, please refrain from mentioning any intimate activities you may have done with your dates! It's best to not bring up your other dates at all. If your ex presses, just say something along the lines of, "I've gone out now and then, but there's no one special."
Second Secret - Broach the Subject
At some point, you will need to test the waters and see if there is a chance of winning back your ex. Light flirting will give help you receive signals from your ex. If he or she seems receptive, then give it a shot.
This is really scary, but you need to know if you are wasting your time. The world is full of ex-couples who spend a lot of time in each other's company, both wanting to get back together but still apart. Why? Because no-one is prepared to take the plunge and ask if there's a chance things could work again. "Friends" managed to spin the storyline out for 10 years! Are you prepared to wait around for 10 years not knowing whether your ex is still interested in you or not?
It's also important to realize that your partner is not likely to say, "Oh--thank goodness!" and fall back into your arms the first time you broach the subject. It could happen, but you are more likely to get either a "not a chance" response, or a non-committal response. Either is fine. If there is no chance, then you have saved yourself a lot of chasing someone who is never going to be interested again. If they respond they are uncertain - then there is hope!
Third Secret - Show, Don't Tell!
One of the classic mistakes is to repeatedly tell your ex how you will be better in the future. It's a mistake because it appears desperate, which is a turn-off. Instead of talking about what you will do, just start doing it. For example, if your ex wanted you to be more open, be open and caring in your actions. Give a gift, extend an olive branch. In other words, show action, not words.
Last time you were together, something went wrong. You shouldn't try to brush that under the carpet. Actually acknowledge it, address it and show how you will make it better. When problems of the past arise again, handle it in a new way. For example, if you had a habit of overreacting in the past, then when something troublesome happens, try to shrug it off. You want your ex to notice your changes. But they must be sincere and genuine. If it is just a show to get your ex back, it will be transparent to your ex and you will do more damage than good.
Inspire your ex to want to win back your heart and make sure your relationship is stronger than ever. Check out Win Back Love: How To Get Back The Love Of Your Life by Annalyn Caras.
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